Poor Pitiful Pearl walked; let’s face it, lumbered into my office. Dressed in a stained tee shirt and baggy sweat pants she slumped onto my couch and told me she’d gotten fired as a receptionist a month ago.  Pearl explained that it was just her luck that her boss happened to be standing by her desk when she got in at 9:20 AM, and ...”can you believe my luck, he fired me!” Initially, she failed to mention that she had been warned twice before about her lateness. Since being fired she called friends to find out if anyone knew of any jobs, but she was sure no one was going to help her. After all, “nobody ever did”. She figured she would end up back at her parent’s house and working for her brother, again, in his stationary store. According to Pearl, nothing good ever happened to her and if it did, it was sure not to last. After all, she said, “I’m fat, nobody likes fat people.”

During that first visit, I could feel the air being sucked out of the room as Pearl told me her tale of sorrow. Can anyone relate to Poor Pitiful Pearl’s plight? Pearl is a pessimist with a capital P.

Did you know that according to a 23-year study by Yale and Miami Universities, people over the age of 50 who exhibited a more positive perspective on life and took a more proactive approach to living also lived 7.5 years longer than those who were pessimists? The people with a more positive outlook also had lower incidences of heart disease and heart attacks. Other studies have mimicked these results, and have even suggested that optimists experience less pain, recover faster from surgeries and have more energy.

So, what is optimism and where do you sign up to get some? A general definition of optimism would be how you explain events in your life and whether you usually expect the best or worst possible outcome. For example, if you’re like Poor Pitiful Pearl, a.k.a. a pessimist and you lose your job you immediately picture the refrigerator box at the curb you’ll be living in. While your counterpart, Bright Side Betty, the optimist, is able to see good choices that may possibly come out of it. Betty uses the opportunity to pump up her exercise program while on unemployment. She takes early morning bike rides to build up her energy, leg muscles and keep her getting up and out early each day. Which are you? Do you see it as one door closes and another one opens, or as the catalyst for depression? 

If you’re not naturally a glass half full person who can laugh while facing adversity, lighten up! Most of us are not born with a natural optimism. Like it or not, optimism is a choice, and most of us have to consciously work at it. You may be thinking, “That’s easy for her to say, she doesn’t know what it’s like to deal with (fill in your most difficult problems here).”  If negative events in your life contradict your desire to be optimistic it truly can be tough, I’m not minimizing anyone’s pain or hardships. Pearl was in my office because she needed help. She wanted help to get herself together to get another job.  Pearl needed to take several steps back before she could really move ahead. We each have to take stock and look at how our own behaviors and belief systems are contributing to our “bad luck”. You may have never been as pessimistic as Pearl, but have you ever said, I didn’t get something, or someone because I’m fat. I know I sure have.  And maybe it’s true sometimes; it probably has been true at least once.  So what! Yeah, yeah, life is easier for the size six who never had to worry about being perceived as lazy because she was a little sweaty at her job interview, in August, in a suit, with no air-conditioning, in a chair with arms, sitting across from Muffy, the head of HR.

But, as a therapist and personal trainer working with people who are trying to take-control and change their lives I’m often asked, how? How do I motivate? How do I stay optimistic when I don’t feel like it?  The answer is another question, typical therapist move. Are you willing to make the changes and do the work to be more optimistic? It won’t just happen because you really, really want it!  You have to intentionally work on it.

Look at your basic belief systems...

False belief #1:
I’m just unlucky. I’ve always been unlucky, nothing good ever happens for me.
You are not unlucky and are not the cause of bad things. Understand that your value is independent of negative events that happen in your life.
Pearl was very stuck with this false belief. Yet, when questioned we found out that she had gotten a car recently. It was an older car, but it was a gift from an elderly aunt who had to give up driving. Pearl was one of several relatives who might have received the gift, but it was she who got it! What luck! But again, not luck, Pearl had made her own luck. Through the years she was kind and thoughtful towards her aunt. Pearl is cared about and valued because she is a kind and thoughtful person.

False belief #2:

Today is forever. I’m never going to get out of this! No one will ever—hire me— love me— pay me— give me a break.... You get it.
Nothing is forever. Good or bad, things will change. When something unfavorable happens, try putting a positive spin on it. There’s usually a rainbow to be found in every grey sky, even if it’s a little more hidden and appears a little delayed.
Maybe Pearl will have to move back home to her parents house, but maybe not. Her gloom and doom was keeping her from seeing the reality of her financial situation. She will be on unemployment while looking for another job, she lives with roommates, and she can keep her expenses low. If she can become more proactive, she can probably bounce back into a better job. In spite of Pearl’s appearance at my office, she had been hired in a front desk position. She can have a lovely and professional appearance, and as she was reminded, she was hired fat. She needed a reality check regarding her belief that no one likes her because she’s fat.

What are you doing today that you can change today?

Positive people
Surround yourself with positive people. Negative and self-deprecating people who are pessimists have a way of bringing you down. If you find yourself more unhappy hanging out with certain people than you are happy, drop them like a bad habit.
Act as if
Smile! Even when you don’t feel like it, smiling can actually boost your mood and relieve stress, and other people tend to respond to you better, which in turn will make you happier. Don’t be afraid to laugh at yourself either and not take life so seriously.
Take stock
What excuses are you using to justify your bad luck? Cut it out! Recognize that when you show up late, have on sloppy clothes or whatever, it’s not the dog’s fault. Take care of yourself, everyday.

So it seems that attitude really is important. When you have a more positive outlook, you enjoy living life more, and since being optimistic helps you live longer, you’ll have more time to live that happy life!